Friday, February 20, 2015

To Change the World

I wrote If nearly 4 years ago, a very idealistic girl that wanted to make a difference. Perhaps I wasn't being too idealistic, but not idealistic enough.

As I was reading this article from Relevant Magazine, I was reminded of how God has fulfilled my childhood fantasies in His good time.
" It wasn’t for some dream. It wasn’t for some great idea. It was for Him and for His name and for whatever it was He wanted to do through me here."
This was not what I would say even 2 years ago when I first wanted to become a social worker. I wanted to change lives, to impact youths and have them glorify me by saying that I was their turning point.
"I think that’s a really important difference, because if we make it about the dream, we’ll try to control the dream and we’ll put our identity in the dream and we will have to have the dream work or we’ll be miserable. But if you say, “You know what? I’m here, God, to take whatever You’ve given me and to display You in whatever way You want.” And you just kind of have this open-handedness, then you stick to something, not because you believe in the thing but because you believe that God’s worth it."
This was and sometimes still is so true of me. Putting my identity in CASA, I was so stressed out and didn't enjoy thinking about this ministry which I started out of a broken heart that most probably pleased God. Praise God for pouring grace upon grace, hope upon hope, strength upon strength.

I wrote in my previous post that my childhood dream is resurrected. Yes, the social enterprise dream. I wanted to set up a social enterprise bakery. Last Sunday, I became a stakeholder of social enterprise Believe NJ bakery. I will be involved in the business, helping to start a new cafe and grow the social impact. Initially I was hesitant to take it up. Yet, listening to Nicole speak with such passion, my heart was stilled and I became sure. Not of my capabilities, but of how I want to minister to this group of people.

Through Sidewalk Gallery Cafe, and then Believe NJ and now the Special Seeds dialogue for parents of children with special needs, I look back and marvel at God's work in and through me. So many times I have wearied and felt like I have nothing to give anymore, yet Abba sustained me.
"But I think with all things, you kind of just stick to your road, keep your hands open, and keep saying, “God, I’m willing. I’m willing for this to fail.” "
I prayed.

I come to You with open hands Lord. An image of a child's open hands.

He takes me into His hand, and leads me on.

Oh God guide me. I commit all these into your hands. Amen.

Friday, February 13, 2015

King of my life, I crown Thee now

On Tuesday I posted on FB:

Tuesday. Feels like the week's end.
Anticipant I look then
Wednesday. His word He shall send. 

Today I continue. All thanks be to my dear Lord Jesus.

Tuesday. Feels like the week's end
Anticipant I look then
Wednesday. His word He shall send 
Disbelief; dead dreams resurrected
Thursday. Fellowship blessed
Anticipant I look to
Friday! Feels like top of the world

This got me thinking on how volatile we are- 

"As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more." Psalm 103:15-16, NIV

Saturday, January 24, 2015

The joy of Leadership

" To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is!" Proverbs 15:23 (ESV)
Sidewalk Gallery Cafe, 1 Orchard Rd
And the joy of leadership is in speaking into people's lives at the right time, making wise decisions. All glory be to God alone. Amen.

It's a joy to serve with these people :) Especially with my fellow brothers and sisters in VCF.

"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Proverbs 13:20

Praise be to the Father for also providing friends that speak wisdom into my life.

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Paris of Indonesia: a travelogue

 At the baggage collection area smaller than the size of a classroom, we waited almost anxiously for the first baggage to appear. We had just walked across the aeroplane runway, somewhat amazed at how small the airport was. As the baggage started coming in, a biggish tired-looking chap started helping the service officer to unload them. My heart warmed at the sight of other travelers giving a hand to move the luggage along the conveyer belt.

This would begin my 4-day stay in Bandung, where smiles are common and the locals ever so polite. There are hardly any traffic lights in the third largest city of Indonesia but there is order amidst the seeming chaos. Drivers honk to give way and signal to other drivers, not in anger. As our driver Saifu weaved in and out of the maze of streets, we looked in awe as horses bearing people in carriages clopped alongside motorbikes and cars. An alternative mode of getting around, traveling by horse carriages cost around $10 000-$15 000 RP according to Saifu. I badly wanted to try it but we couldn't fit this into our plans.

Saifu probably thought that as Singaporeans, we love shopping. Our first day was spent at no less than 5 factory outlets selling mostly clothes at really cheap prices, ending with pretty good ramen (Ramen 38 TSM) at Cihampelas Walk. Cihampelas Walk is a shopping mall that would feel familiar to most Singaporeans, with chains like Baskin Robbins and Coffeebean. We were spoilt for choices during dinner with Japanese, Korean, Chinese and even Thai cuisine to choose from.

The highlight of Day 2 was crater lake Kawah Putih. Admission which was priced at $30 000 RP (around $3.00 SGD) gave us entrance into a still blue lake surrounded by mist. After we were satisfied with the shots taken, we left the lake to hunt for street food in the surrounding area where there were vendors selling tahu goreng (fried tofu), ayam soto (yellow spicy chicken soup) and other small bites.

 Eventually we ended up in a small eatery, enticed by the sweet smell of grilled corn and convinced by the endorsement of a young couple munching on one each. I ordered Indomie Telur, which was just instant noodles with egg but tasted so good in the cold weather.

Besides Kawah Putih at southern Bandung, another famous volcanic site is Tangkuban Perahu which is north of Bandung. It was a delightful climb in the cool air up the roughly cut steps to get a panoramic view. Along the way, there are vendors selling trinkets like wooden angklungs. The resonant notes gave a pleasant vibe to the market area amidst vendors touting their wares.

Earlier on, we were a bit miffed as Saifu had unexpectedly brought us to Sari Ater Hot Springs Park. This is a hot springs hotel and resort with numerous sites to soak your feet or take a hot bath. The previous day he had mentioned 'hot springs' and 'swimming' but we had assumed that this was at Tangkuban Perahu. Our rudimentary Malay did not allow us to clarify further. While this language barrier gave a sense of uncertainty as we sat inside the van not knowing whether we will end up at the 'correct' place, the surprises were largely quite pleasant. It was my first time soaking in geothermally heated water and I began to enjoy it after the initial shriek of surprise at how hot the water was.

On the last day, we trooped to Parar Baru Trade Center, which is this 7-storey building selling textiles, bedsheets, clothes, bags at low prices. Be prepared to use your negotiation skills to get these though as the prices would usually be marked up for tourists. I bought a chic red windbreaker at around $8 SGD after some bargaining! Wandering out into the streets, we jostled through the people to find a store selling all sorts of keropok (deep fried crackers). Buying some of each type, we ended up with a luggage-full of those. Along the way, I saw a street hawker spreading a white batter onto a waffle-like griddle. They turned out to be coconut pancakes, not overly-sweet and filled with fresh coconut shreds.

Satisfied with our loot, we allowed Saifu to bring us to a museum (Museum Geologi) which turned out to have pretty interesting animal fossils. However other than those, we were left feeling rather bored as all the explanations were in Bahasa Indonesia and there was not much to see.

 Apparently another tourist spot is Trans Studio Bandung, which we were not keen on going but went there for lunch anyway. It is a theme park which seems to mimic Universal Studios, but with local characters. Not their type of fun for the 3 oldies I was travelling with.

Our last major stop was Kartikasari,which is popular for their brownies. They sell other traditional confectionery like kueh lapis too. Prices are not exactly cheap but the kueh lapis is definitely cheaper over here than in Singapore. Our baskets filled up fast as we walked through the shop, naming people whom we wanted to gift.

We were initially worried that we would not be able to have breakfast before checking out, as we had to leave Aston Braga hotel at 7am. These worries were unfounded as the hotel staff cheerily told us that they would be able to pack breakfast for us if we really could not have it at the hotel. We booked a 3 bedroom suite, which was outfitted with a mini kitchen. Service was superb, and it is worth mentioning that the room service staff did not take our tips after the first day.

So we were back to the small airport, which was about 30 minutes away from our hotel. The amicable staff made up where the infrastructure was lacking. This pretty encapsulates what we felt at Bandung. The city is much less developed compared to Singapore, but the locals are warm and sincere, leaving us to say 'Jumpa lagi' (Meet again) to Saifu at the airport.

Sunday, November 9, 2014


This blog post is prompted by a conversation I had last Friday with my dear friends. I guess I've kinda known this for some time now, but hearing it articulated and seeing it felt troubled me. 

In worldly terms, I have excelled in university. Not only grades, but God has blessed me with various ministries which I find meaning and satisfaction in. I have never felt as congruent as I have my whole life to be studying social work and applying what I have learnt to meet the seen needs around me. 

I don't know if this makes my friends feel lesser, but that they think highly of me I feel like there is a need to respond to that. And as I was reflecting I thought of an analogy so here goes:

 I am like this cat. You won't think of cats as cuddly creatures. In fact they give a whiff of wanting their own personal space and wanting to be left alone.                                                                                                                                  In short, they can seem so sufficient by themselves.                                                                                                                    But touch its soft spot and watch it close its eyes in joy! (Okay but I'm awkward with touches and need to consciously tell myself to relax when an arm is placed around me/I am hugged)                                                                                                                                                                                            As capable as I am in some things, I can tell you that I grapple with many others. When I was learning about anxiety disorders this semester, I found myself identifying with a lot of the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. Not only that, I grapple with relating to others as I would like, with being my God-centred self, with feelings that I am not liked. 

There are days when you see this confident person talking to many people. These are when those thoughts of negative appraisal from others towards me take an intermission, or when I manage to ignore them. 

I once told a friend everyone seems like an extrovert to me because I was like 'How do you talk to people and get close to them? How does this social thing even work man?!'

With this sense of 'lesser-ness' comes the temptation to think that I am better than others to compensate. Or in the busyness to think that friends are less important.

I chose to focus on this social thing out of all my non-strengths because this is something I keenly felt after entering university. With neither class nor boyfriend to stick to, and with the biblical call to fellowship, I suddenly had to navigate uncharted territories in friendships. 

Do I act aloof like a cat as I am used to doing or do I pluck up courage to talk to people? How am I supposed to initiate a meet up? D: These things still roils my stomach. 

"In his grace, God had given us different gifts for doing certain things well." (Romans 12:6, NLT) 
This implies that there are some things which I do less well in. I guess what I want to say (and also to remind myself) is to know our non-strengths, not to be ashamed of them and feel lesser by them. Often it is precisely my non-strength that helps me to depend on God. 

Though I grapple with words like I am now trying to end, ultimately I thank God for the hope that I have. The hope that assures me that 'All's well' for me as a child of God, even if I bungle the conclusion or even the whole blog post, even if anything for that matter.                                                           

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Written in the Stars

Another semester of school is ending soon, and as I reflect on this semester, the chorus of Written in the Stars (Westlife, not Tenie Tempah) rang so true:

When I look at my life, how the pieces fall into place, it just wouldn't rhyme, without You

At my very core, You satisfy me Lord. And You have taught me to truly delight in You and You only this semester.

When I so desperately wanted friends, not to bless them but rather to have people to eat lunch with so I won't worry about eating lunch alone in school, to cafe hop with, to take nice pictures with, You did not give it to me. Instead, You showed me how self-centred I am.
Then, when I told You, I must centre myself on You so please help me to- You gave me company when I needed it. I found that I was a better friend, and much more assured in the friendships I have.

When I see how my path, seem to end up before Your face

When I asked to be rooted deeper in church, You showed me that again, fellowship is God-centred: a fellowship on a mission to witness the gospel. Definitely not by chance, I started talking to more people in church, feeling less of a sojourner and more a member.

The state of my heart, the place where we are, was written in the stars

Yes, the place where I am is also where You are. Thank you for journeying with me Lord. My heart is filled and thus it overflows with love- joy at meeting the needs of others.

I made a few mistakes, yea, like sometimes we ^always do

Forgive me for wanting to glorify myself, for being proud when I receive praise. I remember telling You, I don't have a pure heart. Yet, You have affirmed and glorified Yourself exceedingly through using me in various ministries. Thank You for the ministry given to me which I enjoy and find meaning in.

Been through lot of heartache, but I made it back to you   You were always there for me

In social groupwork terms, Father You really trust in the process, don't You? But of course, You have full control over it. Thank You for the 'heartaches', they have brought me closer to seeing You for who You truly are.

(those soulful eyes...)


Sunday, October 5, 2014

Sunday soul food

It went from- okay I will sit through this one hour- to this stirring of affections as I am called back to live by the Spirit, reminded that my groaning is a witness of my salvation. It ends off with the awesome promise to us as children of God- being heirs to all creation, the redeemed creation.

Claiming God's promises is a struggle because I often doubt the very existence of God. 'How can you be sure, really sure, that you are not deluding yourself?' As Paul states: "If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men." (1 Corinthians 15:19, NIV)

I cannot see, yet I hope. Perhaps the being sure of this hope is a lifelong process. #soulfood